Application Project Write Up

Topic Selected: Family

My Plan: To improve my relationship with my husband by being deliberately aware of our interactions. I want our interactions to be more positive, more uplifting, and to increase the amount of one-on-one time my husband and I spend together.

1. think before I speak---Are my words kind? Are they necessary?
2. Make a conscious effort to thank my husband for all he does for our family. This can be verbally, thru text, or with an email.
3. Plan dates with my husband. Yes, babysitters are expensive. Yes, the toddler will cry almost the entire time we're gone. Go anyway.

Application Project Write Up:

Since having children, my husband and I have stopped going on regular dates. Our excuses for not dating are common: babysitters cost money, it is hard to find a babysitter that will do more than watch a movie with our kids, and it is hard to spend money on an activity for the date when we are already spending money for a sitter. My husband and I have tried to do “date-like” things after the kids are in bed. We will watch a movie together or share a bowl of ice cream while we talk, but it is just not the same.

We have two sons. Our oldest loves people and will happily stay with any sitter we choose. Our youngest, however, is a Mama's boy through and through. I can barely leave his side without him falling apart. I have been hesitant to leave him with a sitter for this reason. Nonetheless, this project motivated me to find a sitter and go out with my husband. We went to a play and it was fantastic. I remembered how much I enjoy watching plays with my husband. My husband and I were able to enjoy great conversation without any interruption or talking in code so that our kids do not understand what we are saying. It went so well that my husband and I made plans to go out again.

The next step in my plan is to make a greater effort to thank and praise my husband. He is a great guy and I am lucky to have him. His love language is words of affirmation so I knew that he would like this part of the project. I found that I enjoyed it, too. As I set goals to send my husband a kind text or email, I found myself becoming aware of the many unnoticed things that my husband does regularly. He pulls the trash cans in from the curb every Friday night. One day he went into work early so that he could get off early because I had a doctor's appointment. I think that this part of the project helped my husband know that I appreciate him.

The last part of my project was the hardest. I am a stay-at-home mom. My days are long and repetitive. There are times when I would do anything to escape the monotony of my life. Who wants to wash dishes again? Or change another dirty diaper? All too often my husband is my dumping ground. When I am overwhelmed by the responsibilities of motherhood, he is the one I vent to. He hears all my complaints and that is not really fair. He works hard all day, too. There are times when he would rather not go to work. However, he goes anyway and he goes without complaint. I am trying to reframe my retelling of the day's events. My husband still hears about the hard parts of my day, but I am trying to be more aware of the cute things our boys say or the funny things they do so that I can share them with my husband.

Overall, this project has reminded me that I am married to a great man. I need to do my part to strengthen our marriage and I am thankful that this project provided me with an opportunity to do that.